and now for some manic depression

Thursday, March 8, 2012

I hate to write a post like this, but just stick with me here. Stick with me. I know things will get ironed out, and I do have a lot to look forward to. But damn.

I’ve just been so emotional for the last couple of weeks. I need something good to happen. I need it to happen soon.

There is so much I wish I could share, because sharing in this blog is cathartic. I enjoy writing about the situations and things that make me angry or sad and trying to spin it in a funny light. It helps.

I’ve just been so miserable and sad and disappointed that there’s nothing in me that wants to spin it into easily digestible sentences. I want these realizations, these awful feelings to just sit stagnant and marinate. I want to feel better. I want to feel validated. I dislike myself for a lot of reasons right now. A lot of things have been ruined for me.

I was looking at an old man today, his face falling within itself with all of his hound dog wrinkles, and I wondered how he shaved. Did he have to pull his skin taut? I wanted to ask him. I thought about everything I shaved and wondered what it will all look like when I’m his age. I wondered what body bits I would have to pull tight just to shave. I wanted to cry because I can’t put any more effort into shaving than I do now. I cannot physically or psychologically do that.

Nothing is going right.