hypothetical identity theft

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Goodness gracious. I can't... I don't even want to do this. It breaks my heart to have to do this.

For the sake of anonymity, let's just throw out some hypotheticals for you.

Hypothetically speaking, if someone out there starts following me on Instagram, I would hypothetically not be too busy to check out their stuff. I'm not, like, a diva about checking people out and seeing who likes my online jewels. I'm actually very into that. I love knowing who follows me and that's why I have a very explicit site tracker on this very blog. It not only feeds my neuroses, but it also helps inflate my ego so that I have the will to keep this blog going even on days when I would otherwise admit defeat. Hypothetically.

Let's say you hypothetically started following me on Instagram and I hypothetically glanced at your page and saw that one of my Tweets from several weeks ago was your bio tagline. Hypothetically, I'd be like, "Wow, I must have totally changed this person 4eva and they totally *identify* with me, huh?" And hypothetically, that's so flattering. That's so cute. Even though I never knew about this person before, because they hypothetically don't publicly follow my Twitter account, they just hypothetically bookmarked it on their computer and had, hypothetically, been stealing all of my Tweets for several months and using them as personal status updates on Facebook. Because, hypothetically, this person linked their Instagram to their Facebook page and I, hypothetically, had my boyfriend read every single status update to me over the phone. Status updates that date back to August 2011.

Then, let's say, hypothetically, this person linked their Facebook account to their public Twitter account. And hypothetically they were using my Tweets as their own. For several months. Hypothetically, it was a little bit violating and sad for me. But it's probably even sadder for that person, because they have developed a life online that isn't even real. That's really sad to me. This person is probably in a really sad place in their life and it would hypothetically make me really sad to have to call them out publicly.

Hypothetically, if I was talking about this with a group of friends at dinner last night, and they all told me about the ramifications of intellectual property theft, and how scraping online content is actually against most social networking site's terms and conditions (and in some instances, the law), and how I could hypothetically go after this person, should I do it? Hypothetically, in my mind, I decided I would wait a few days to watch the storm hit the ground and see what kind of destruction would take place, if any. Obviously, hypothetically, if this had been going on for months without my knowing, it can't be that serious of an offense.

Then let's say I noticed that this person has a link to their very personal blog on Blogspot. And then I hypothetically went to check it out and noticed that, of the three entries this person made, they were all taken from my blog. And one of them even included the title, "DEER DIARY," which was actually created as a pun on the word "buckery" -- to imply the animal deer, not the salutation "dear." Hypothetically, a play on words. And that site tracker hypothetically alerted me to the use and scraping of blog content because I have my Google Alerts set up to notify me whenever the term "DEER DIARY" is used on a Google platform. Hypothetically.

Hypothetically, if I left a comment thanking this person for enjoying my blog and requesting that they try writing their own blog for a minute, do you guys hypothetically think she will see this blog post and maybe realize that she should stop so that I don't have to release her full name, complete with screen grabs of her Twitter, Facebook, and blog, and links to all of the offenses? Because I'm actually a very nice person and truly appreciate the people who take time out of their day to read this, but it's actually quite offensive to be robbed?

Strictly a hypothetical.

EDIT: Then, hypothetically, what if she unfollows my Instagram, deletes my blog comment and protects her Tweets? Then what? Did I win?

I'll be here, waiting for a hypothetical apology.

EDIT #2: As of 1/6/12, she has deleted the blog.