Two things I have never admitted to anyone in my life.*

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

They are not particularly embarrassing, but probably the two main things I’m ashamed of in terms of mental health.

1. I’m absolutely terrified of death. I cannot watch a sentimental movie alone where someone dies without having a complete existential crisis with a side platter of near-hyperventilating for the following 1 or 2 hours. (Watching with other people or horror movies with zombies blowin’ up and hos gettin’ their heads chopped off are all A+ entertainment without the worrying. I love gore.)

Anyways, people know that. What I’ve never told people is that some part of me is absolutely certain that the moment you stop fearing death, YOU DIE. I don’t know why. And I know that’s not true. Probably. It’s probably just the worst thing I could believe. I think the fact that some people actually die while scared of death is too awful for me to comprehend?

2. Every few days I try really hard to wake up from the coma that I’m potentially stuck in. Part of me wants to write “I wish I was kidding” and the other part wants me to write “You never know.”

*Unless I did and forgot. But I was probably drunk.