Of all the problems in my life right now*, the one I am most passionate about is how much I hate that I don't have a treadmill and the exercise programs on my DVR seem to be irrepressibly gay.

*You know, like my lack of fresh water, my lack of housing and the overabundance of AIDS. Not silly things like not being able to deal with life because you’re paralyzed by the fear that you’re an awful person. No way. In no way do I complain about white, middle-class 20-something problems.