Childhood confessions

Thursday, July 7, 2011

I used to be very gullible. This is why I believe less than 2% of what anyone tells me today.

When I was seven, my best friend at the time had this fantasy world that she would walk around telling people about with conviction. She and her friend from next door, actually. They shared this world together. In this world, they were dragons.

So, I would listen to them talk and talk and talk during lunch and recess about how they were in their magical dragon world all afternoon the day before and they killed a bunch of werewolves and did some magic stuff and then magically transformed back in to regular human girls. Their stories were convincing. They had all the deets down, they knew “dragon terminology” that I was unaware of. I mean, to be fair, they had a pretty legit thing going on. They would just tell these really realistic stories about how they were dragons all the time and ya know what? I f’ing believed them.

I believed that my friends would leave school and become dragons whole-heartedly until one day I was kinda like “Wait… that probably is impossible.” But there was a serious shadow of a doubt, you know? Like, I’m 24 now, but if you had the right facts, you could probably still convince me that you can morph in to a fire-breathing mythological lizardmoster. I would totally buy that if you had your facts straight. It’s not because I’m some moron, it’s because I don’t think there’s that much stuff that’s totally impossible. That’s why I used to fight my 10th grade AP bio teacher about whether or not some day we’d be able to genetically crossbreed a giraffe and an oak tree and call it a girfolk.

So anyway, it really messed with my mind for a couple months. It was one of the only times in my life I felt true jealousy. I was just so confused. How could my friends be my friends and also be dragons? How come I never got to be a dragon? How come I never saw them being dragons and how come they didn’t have souvenirs from their dragon land, like raven’s claws and magical rocks? I would ask them, “You guys, seriously. You promise me you’re not lying? Promise? You really really really become dragons sometimes?” and they would say, “Yes, of course.”

It nagged at me a lot. I’d be reading a book and suddenly I’d have to put it down and wonder if my entire life was a lie. I wondered if I had been sleeping my whole life, and everything I knew in life was really a seven year dream (note: I still often have this thought). I wondered what was so wrong with me that I too didn’t have secret dragon powers. I figured that if they were lying, I was never going to get it out of them, so I went over their heads and I called my friend's mother.

Let me just like... recap: When I was seven, I believed two of my good friends were dragons so deeply that I went above their heads and called their mother on her personal phone line to fact-check.

I got laughed at. I’ll never forget that. A grown woman laughed at me on the phone because her sick daughter had been fed fantasy books like ponies eat carrots and she worked up this pathetic little dream world that she walked around lying to people about. And I was trusting enough to buy it. And ya know, I am a compassionate person, you guys. If my friend was a dragon at night, that’s something I wanted to know about and be a part of.  And when I asked her mother, not only did she not just flat out deny it, she paused for a moment and then laughed at me. A child. Granted, one that was probably too old to question whether or not it’s possible to become a dragon from time to time, but ya know… she should have been psyched that someone believed that lying sack of shit she squeezed out of her vagina.

Anyway, yeah. I was very gullible. And I guess my friends weren’t dragons. And I clearly never forgave that woman for laughing at me.

This started out as a story and ended as a therapy session. I’m sorry. I hope you got something out of it other than the fact that you can't send me fake emails and get my social security number and stuff because now I have a huge concrete wall around myself at all times and typically I just ignore or delete emails and texts without responding.