Persuading God with Kisses

Saturday, July 16, 2011

All right.

I haven't wanted to bring this up in my blog because I didn't want to jinx it, or have to write a retraction later saying, "this didn't work out and I'm so sad about my whole life."

But I'm taking a leap of faith and hoping that in writing this, you all use your powers of The Secret to will it into my life. Power in numbers, right?

There is a house that we looked at... that we loved. I mean, I loved it so much that every house in comparison is crappy. Super crappy. Unlivable. We got our application in the day after we met with the guy who owns the house. Everything was looking good. He told us he wanted to make a decision quickly.

He never got back to us. But not in a "I found other tenants" sort of way. Darien called the realtor for the house and had to hassle her into calling the guy to get the scoop. Apparently he hasn't made a decision yet and is "so very sorry" about not responding. And we are the top of his list. Etc.

So I sent a pleasant email to him, simply stating that I am leaving California in a week. As of now, I have nowhere to live, because I am kind of heavily depending on him to pull through. I don't like this balance of power. I run the show in my life. And, I thought by being nice... he would feel so horribly about it that he'd call me and say, "Here are your keys, madam!"

He hasn't responded. It's now two weeks after he said he wanted to make his decision. I check the listing on real estate websites several times a day. I am leaving in a week, and I have no home to go to.

But I've been really good at The Secret and I am just envisioning this as my house. And how I'll decorate it. And how fun it will be to get a pack of pandas for my backyard where there is a bamboo forest. Can you believe it? Bamboo? It's like it was built for me.

I just need all of you to use The Secret and universally coax this moron into giving me the keys to his house so I can live my dreams and do cartwheels in the upstairs. Cartwheels because I am an adult who is trying to get a house.

Please help me. I'll invite you over, if you promise to not make a mess.

Just waiting on the keys.

I have been sitting on my bed and promised God that if He exists and makes this guy call/email me back asking me to be his tenant, I will give Him a kiss. Do you hear me, God? Do you hear me?

Don’t pretend I’m the first Protestant to do this.