Saturday, June 18, 2011

On behalf of my selfish ass, I'd like to thank you for always letting your daughters climb all over you (literally and figuratively), for always giving me hugs when I'm making ugly faces, for cleaning out the pumpkin guts every single year, and mostly for keeping your bald head dry when it starts raining while you are boozin' it up in the hot tub at noon.

You are quite honestly my favorite human ever. Remember that time I called you at 1:00AM crying cos I had just crashed my best friend's car on the freeway? That was so nice of you to come pick me up and yell at me the whole way home. And all those long days in LA dealing with my lawsuit! Not to mention you driving all the way out to my dorm room to pick me up and let me cry the whole way back to Santa Clarita because my boyfriend dumped me over the phone the Friday before finals. And when you took me grocery shopping because my roommate ate all my food, it was so smart of you to have me hide it all in my closet! It was because of you that I figured out Santa Claus wasn't real... you left the receipt for seven Polly Pockets right on the kitchen table! LOL! Remember when my front tooth was loose? I was too scared to pull it out, so you told me you wanted to get a "better look" and just ripped it out for me? You have purchased every single guitar I've ever gotten. And amp. And guitar accessory (except for that hot pink strap that I left at a venue after a show once). I'm sorry I wanted to be a drummer when I was 14. But thanks for teaching me how to play anyway. And thanks for not getting mad when I used the pictures of Hanson from my Tigerbeat magazine as wallpaper for my entire bedroom (and ceiling). You probably don't remember that time you dropped me off at Corrie's house with a pint of beer between your legs, but I do. You have taught me to think for myself, but to be informed about the real issues by listening to you on the radio everyday for 24 years. I remember the morning of the 1994 earthquake, when it was just me, Kristin, mom, and the dog... I sat on the front porch crying for hours until you finally made it home from work. And I ran up to you and threw my arms around your neck and just cried some more. GOOD TIMES!!! You have gone to the store for tampons for me plenty of times. You really know how to go with the flow! I think you even braided my hair a few times. I'm sorry I convinced you to buy those bright blue camouflage cargo pants for me from Hot Topic when I was 13. I know you were pretty humiliated, but I was totally "going through something" in junior high. Even in college, when I had to go to downtown LA to take pictures of murals, you took me at 7:00AM so that no gang members would mess with me. And we can't forget all those early morning airport runs (by the way, can you take me on June 29? My flight is at 6:00AM, ooooops!). I have always appreciated the time I decided to open a "bug veterinary office" in our dining room and you didn't yell at me when I didn't seal the tupperware all the way and they all "escaped" over night. You even drove me around the neighborhood so I could find some more! And the time when I won three goldfish at the carnival, and one jumped out of the bowl an hour later... you went to the pet store to get the "special fish drops" that I could squirt in the bowl and he came back to life (I'm in on the joke now, dad, I know you just went and got me a new fish). I couldn't quite make it in Chicago so I had to come home. You were there at the airport, and when my two suitcases didn't come back with me, you went back to LAX at 3:00 the next morning to fetch them. You are so fetching. You always have great advice for me, and I am always relieved to see you in stressful times. I appreciate all the shots of Scotch you offered me out of your trunk during your mother's funeral. You are the best dad. My life would be horrible without you.

And most of all, I'm grateful that tomorrow morning I need you to re-pressurize my front tires. I am making you a pie and I bought you a new T-shirt, just for being my dad.