I think I like not being able to sleep due to the unbearable LA heat because during the hours of 2:00AM and 5:00AM, everything in my parents' suburban town is so quiet and still I would swear that some things will never ever change...

I often complain about feeling stagnant, but lately things have been moving SO QUICKLY. I am a total creature of habit. I'm like a dog... a big sweaty dog. I feel as if I am no longer connected to the person I was even a year ago... is that growing up? There are so many things I used to care about, think about, obsess over. These thoughts are not the thoughts consuming my brain anymore. I just blinked one day and here I was. Like I had no say in the matter.

Looking back even to college, I had many, many close friends and relatively few acquaintances. Now it feels like the opposite. Maybe those close friends really were just acquaintances, but the intricacies of past relationships no longer affect me the way they used to. I have a small group of people with whom I am so close, they feel like family.

I am happy in this middle-ground, as far as I know. I feel like I'm swimming in the day's afterglow, and maybe things are about to take a drastic left turn. I'm not sure I'll like the direction things might take, but... I'm only 24. Am I supposed to be completely satisfied yet? It can't be any worse than the person I was.

Just wanted to put it out there that I've reassessed my future and have decided that I'm not longer striving to be the absolute best of everyone I know, but simply in the top 5%. While I enjoy both being the best all of the time and being self-depricating, they rarely coexist. This is a good decision that surely will not change, because it's not like I have a crippling fear of commitment/death that makes me sob and sob and sob every time I start thinking about the absolute nothingness that is bound to envelop me.

YOU GUYS, CAN SOMEONE JUST LET ME KNOW IF MY FUTURE WILL BE OKAY OR NOT. THIS IS IMPORTANT.

SUMMARY: feelings.