Planet Me.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Sang tonight at a cute little wine bar with my girlz. The sound was really great and everyone was loud and drunk, for which I have great appreciation. Anytime I go out at night with people who like mingling, I realize more and more how absolutely awkward I am around people. When offered a drink tonight, I declined, and simply explained to him, "the baby and all." ...What?! That's not even funny, really. It was just awkward and weird of me to say.

Something I found out about myself recently is that I have been so good at being in a relationship the past two years, that I actually fear meeting new people and broadening my social circle. While it wasn’t a choice for me to build a wall around myself in the past, it now is an obstacle. I am so accustomed to being hurt that I don’t know how to accept that I likely won’t be hurt for a long time, if ever again.

Basically, a lot of assholes in my past have made something harder on a good person than it should be. And assholes should think about that. They should think about the fact that they make the world harder for everyone and not just the select few they assume they are hurting. It’s a societal domino effect that goes real deep. That’s interesting to me, how one selfish person can mess up so much for so many.

And, well, I didn't even mean to go that deep just now. For the considerable awkwardness, I had a really fun time. Plus, I love being worshiped by drunk people because I love living on Planet Me.