I have not been to the dentist in six years and the longer I wait to go to the dentist the worse I know the visit will be because I know that he will gawk at my teeth and say “I notice that you have been neglecting to schedule routine dental appointments due to your lack of insurance and when you neglect your teeth your entire body suffers and I can tell you right now that you will have to undergo many painful procedures in order to get your teeth back in shape and we’re going to have to pull this one and I will say "Thank you, yes I would love to have those procedures done but I am on my way back to this very important thing that I have to go to and I will be sure to schedule a follow up appointment as soon as I can," then I leave this office immediately after I pay and I get in my car and vow not come back ever actually because it’s so unpleasant that I would prefer to avoid it indefinitely even if that means that I will have to have dentures and be disgusting and live in dirty pajamas and give up hope of ever smiling at the grocery cash register person with my pearly whites because now I have just mushy gums that make me feel astonishingly ashamed and old and ugly, however there is some possibility that I will actually be able to slip by pretending that I have been regularly visiting a dentist and my dentist will just go ahead and count my teeth and it will take twenty-five minutes and all year I can be proud of myself for accomplishing my least favorite mandatory hygienic task of all visiting the dentist because I grew up into a person who understands that a person’s teeth, like a person’s car, require specialized care from an outside expert but when I pick up the phone and press the first digits of the phone number some little idiot sitting in molar 16B pressures me to hang up and I DON’T GO.

That cycle ended this morning when I asked my dad if my new insurance covers routine cleaning / X-rays and he told me it does and now I have no excuse at all and I'm going to call and make the appointment and then inject xanax into my bloodstream and cry until I have to go probably next week.