ceramics

Sunday, February 13, 2011

So this lady who worked at my old job has an Ellen mug. Like, one of the mugs from Ellen that they give away to the guests and audience. It’s a rare Ellen mug. They don’t even make them to sell in the gift shop anymore as all of her merch went through a design overhaul back in like 2007. So basically, this bitch is packing some really meaningful ceramics and she doesn’t even know it. Like, she’s just walking around drinking out of the mug like it’s something she got free at the bank. Doesn't even care how many rinse cycles she puts it through. Doesn't matter if the graphics wash off.

I wanted to walk up to her and grab her by the shoulders and say “YOU’VE BEEN IN THIS TOWN FAR TOO LONG. GO TO OHIO AND ASK ANY WOMAN ON THE STREET WHAT YOU’RE DRINKING OUT OF AND SHE’LL EXCHANGE HER NEW BORN BABY FOR IT. STOP DOING THAT. STOP DRINKING OUT OF THAT MUG. STORE CHANGE IN IT ON THE TOP SHELF OF YOUR BOOK CASE OR SOMETHING, JUST STOP CARRYING IT AROUND LIKE IT’S A 99 CENT STORE FIND, YOU UNGRATEFUL SLUT!”

But like, I couldn’t do that. That would have probably resulted in an early end to my retail career and like, general homelessness. I’m just going to eat these cheerios that I keep in my night stand drawer and try not to think about the sacrilegious coffee consumption that’s going on somewhere this morning.