Being crabby

Thursday, January 20, 2011

I never see movies. I fall asleep during them.

Since I was little, the act of "putting on a movie" or "going to a movie" has resulted in me losing interest 45 minutes in and snoozing. This is why I always need to go to movies in the morning or afternoon. Slimmer chances at falling asleep and also nobody is ever at the ticket counter so free movie.

It's not that I don't like movies. I love movies. I let them become a serious part of my life and affect me on deep emotional levels. They move me. I think I just either have a brain tumor or I am too smart for the world because 75% of the time, I predict the exact plot and get bored watching it pan out before my eyes. Be smarter than I am, writers.

I watched The Social Network the other day.  A month or two ago, Darien brought a copy of it over to my house because his mom gets advanced copies of films on DVD for "review." Sure enough, I found the opening scene boring, trite, and unnatural, and quickly fell asleep.

However, I loved the film. I don’t know what took me so long to watch a film about attractive men with lots of money being really intelligent assholes, usually in nice suits. That’s like, my favorite genre of film and television.

Though my world lost a little color the moment my friend informed me the twins were played by one man, Armie Hammer. Mad appropriate name, I bet he’s great at nailing things.

Same thing happened a few nights ago when we had a date night to see Black Swan. I was so disappointed in this film that I actually questioned who my real friends are. Don't get me wrong, Natalie Portman can play any role handed to her. The final performance scene was produced incredibly well and was, mostly, the only redeeming quality. I found the cinematography horrible. And the plot was ultimately undeveloped. For the amount of hype surrounding this movie, I'd have really liked to see an interestingly-made film, as opposed to a Cloverfield-esque controversial snooze fest.

This movie attained success by shrouding it with overt sexuality and, admittedly, some interesting takes on mental illness (the latter I actually did love). It just doesn't impress me. Not to mention, I fell asleep during the crazy sex parts because the rest of the movie was so slow. Hello?

I'm not trying to hate. And I'd like to argue that I missed a good 15 minutes of it anyway. I really wanted to love this movie. Hopefully by the time it makes its Netflix / HBO rounds I can give it another go and stop indulging in my never-relating-to-humanity fest.

And hey, just so you guys don’t think I’m over here with a fist full of Thin Mints in one hand and a loaded pistol in the other, I thought I’d let you know that I’m OK. I’ve once again come to the conclusion that I’m either totally not going to die alone or that I’ll be fine if i do because I’m a strong woman who happens to love dogs and dogs are great companions. Who needs movies?

Also I'm very sick right now. Again. I keep telling myself it's allergies but my body keeps telling myself that I'm an inch from plucking feathers out of my skin and breaking my own legs backwards.