Why are women who have senses of humor about their imperfections a possible “thing”? Every man I know who sucks at paying bills on time and dating is just a “dude.” Yeah, I think it’s really rad that someone out there thinks that I’ve mastered the art of not taking myself seriously to the point that I belong to some special pack of wild women, but am I a really special creature because of this? I hope not. I live every day of my life hoping that the rest of the world catches up to my school of only giving a crap about the things that are worth giving a crap about.

I can’t sit around taking Xanax that’s not prescribed to me and eating tuna fish directly out of the can alone for the rest of my life, ya know.