Sunday, July 4, 2010

Here’s the thing about Twilight. I have been unusually oblivious to Twilight because Twilight is a book for children, but this morning I finally caved in on the first movie, and to be honest I was a little sad that there really wasn’t anything more to it than what I’ve seen in previews, and at this point it’s getting ridiculous and maybe it’s time for adults to start reading books written for adults again, like, hey, Bob Woodward and Thomas Friedman both have books out about the inner workings of our government and the ecological ramifications of our global economy that are way scarier than some pubescent vampire who’s waited 400 years to kiss some piss-ass girl up in some tree after barely escaping the ragball game with their lives (and unlives).

I know I’m probably going to get barked at by at least a couple people for posting this, but: hi. These are my thoughts about all this vampire/zombie/other dumb made-up monster crap 5ever. I can’t stand it. I’d rather hear about your unpaid bills or tell you about how I was choking in my bed the other day, yelling at my boyfriend to hand me my “shit shit” who tried to ask me step by step what I was talking about. Because, yeah, maybe I screamed in my dream “I’m 23! I’ve never owned a remote control before!” that night, claiming that that was some kind of age so young that you don’t know how to name simple household items, and calling something a “shit shit” is totally immature and still somehow not far below me, but I’m totally an adult.