Thursday, October 22, 2009

in hollywood, the bad guys always get their comeuppance.  rocky kicks the shit out of mr. T.  james bond drops that guy into the smoke stack.  james spader’s left alone to wallow in his own doucheyness… while molly ringwald and blaine get to go make out in the parking lot.  oh man… and that scene in “dead poets society,” when the kids all stand on their desks and clap, one by one… that kills me.

i count on those moments in real life.  that kind of karmic payback.  i waste years waiting for them… and you know what… they never show up (at least not while you still care).  the whole cafeteria never abandons the bully’s table, one by one, to join mine.  instead life just fucking rolls on. YEARS roll on… and the only one left holding the past is me.

the dalai lama’s big thing is “fact is fact.”  as in… “what has happened is over. stop worrying about it, and figure out how you are gonna move forward from here.”  i have been doing that well lately. took 23 years, but it’s happening.  i narrow my focus to the crucial things and the world just cracks open.  it feels like plugging into a wall socket with the right voltage.  the petty shit is petty shit.  and i just glide…

right now though, not so much. right now, my side of the world is asleep. and i’m wide awake. listening to an old creeper lagoon EP and letting my brain kick me around.