summer

Monday, August 10, 2009

As I swam in my childhood pool yesterday, I remembered scouring the grass with my sister for hours hoping for a single four leaf clover. I’d never be able to do that now without feeling guilt about wasting time.

The “cool kids” will always exist; they simply take different forms. In my world they no longer sit at a certain lunch table, but in their exposed brick homes high in the hills or in between magazine covers. Best of all, now I know them. Speaking of which…

No matter how little credit I give to myself for it, no matter how I spin it, I’m a girl that went from fantasizing about the famous and glamorous to visiting their homes and hearing their hearts. I feel lucky about that.

I love when my boyfriend hates guys who like me. I try not to bring it up, but I can always hear his furrowed brows over phone conversations.

I desperately miss childhood. I’m having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that memories simply reside in the mind and that I may never ever visit them.

“Getting married doesn’t make you more mature, an amazing cook, or spotlessly clean.” My mom said that today. She is a 100% smartie pants.

I used to always look out my window at the people hollering and jumping into friend’s cars and be thinking I was missing something amazing. Now I look out my window at the chaos and snuggle in a comforter. It feels nice to miss it all.

I’m glad no one desired me when I was younger. I think I would have given them anything they wanted. Chastity promises are a cinch when you’re a total nerd.

Speaking of which, when I recall my adolescence I am amazed by how eased I am in social situations. I was given so much reason not to be. We probably all were.